This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. – 1 John 4:10 (NIV)
I have never doubted that my family has been loved and cared for by many, many people, but the outpouring of love in the last few weeks has been almost unbelievable. Hundreds upon hundreds of you were able to come and celebrate Amy’s life with us either in person or via the live stream, and we have continued to get cards in the mail from hundreds more who were unable to attend. Your words have been an encouragement, your shared memories a delight, and your testimonies about God’s impact in your lives because of how God chose to use Amy has been a joy to my soul that I cannot describe adequately.
Beyond the love that you have shared with us is the love and grace we have experienced from the Lord. He has used you to minister to us but He has provided peace beyond understanding and grace that has supplied for our strength day after day. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression from these statements. Don’t put on some rose colored glasses and think that life has been peachy. I can tell you that in the midst of the overwhelming grace and peace there has been immensely deep sorrow and loss and loneliness. Yet none of these emotions have lessened the truths of who God is or the truths of the promises in His Word. The loneliness I feel in the loss of my sweet pea is tempered by the overwhelming presence of God.
Psalm 139 comes to mind for me and it would be worth your time to go read it. There is nowhere I can go and not be with God. There is no thought I can have or emotion I can feel that God does not already understand and comprehend. He knows me and has known me since before I was even formed. And in that great knowledge and presence also comes protection. His hands have been upon me and my children, protecting us and guarding us. What a wonderful, loving and caring Heavenly Father.
The day-to-day life the kids and I have been living is varied and each day has brought different challenges. The older three kids have been able to slide back into their routine of school and homework. The Lord has provided them with good friends and wonderful teachers and school staff to help watch over them and help them as needed. It is a wonderful answer to prayer to see how God has provided so wonderfully and quickly for us here in Columbia Station.
The kids have each been processing through the loss of their mom in their own way. Each has expressed their loss, but also their confidence that Mom is in heaven. Ethan was asked about his time in Iowa for the celebration of life service and his response was wonderful; a testament to the love we’ve been receiving. He said, “I got so many hugs I don’t know what to do with them all!”
For me, in this new role as a single parent, I’ve been managing alright. Truthfully, God was very gracious and walked us to this spot with lots of time to prepare. I have been exceedingly thankful for the time that Amy and I had together since last May (when she had her first seizure) to have a slow stroll together towards our parting of ways. There are so many people who unexpectedly lose a loved one and I am thankful for God’s grace to allow me some great time with my wonderful Amy. I miss her more than I ever knew you could miss someone. I have enjoyed taking lots of time going through pictures and remembering so many things that I hadn’t thought of for quite some time. I’ve also enjoyed getting to share these stories with pretty much anyone who’s willing to listen. It has been good therapy for me.
A quick side note for you. I’ve been encouraged by several to keep writing updates and I plan to do so. I’m not sure what the frequency may be but I will write more. Also, if you have relied on Amy’s facebook feed to see the updates as they get posted, know that soon I am going to deactivate the account. You can subscribe to get the updates via email or look to my fb feed.
Thank you for your continued prayers for our family. We treasure your love and support for us.In many ways you have been the expression of God’s rich love for us. Know that we love you too, pray for you often (specifically that God will bless you for your prayers for us, and that you will be drawn closer to God as you talk with Him), and we are wonderfully blessed by you. May God’s rich love fill you today.